Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
