You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
