dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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