How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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