Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
