he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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