Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
