ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
What happened to fro yo and sex?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
