she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
