cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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