Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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