Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
