i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
