But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
