Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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