Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
