I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
