don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
We're too hungover to prance.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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