Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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