I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
