His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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