Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
