We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
