i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
