I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize