she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
