its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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