hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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