just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
