I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
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