Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
