Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
