If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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