do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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