I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize