I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
