my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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