'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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