Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
