I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
