my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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