What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
