Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
