Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
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