Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
