how can u be prego again
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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