Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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