It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
