I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
