can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
