I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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