Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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