I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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