it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
