She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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