I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
