Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
