i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
