Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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