i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
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