JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We left the knife in your bed.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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