Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
