Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
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